Literary Bluntness

Tonight another freak stayed on until close at Starbucks. Not a drunk, this time, but some sort of schizophrenic who seemed hostile toward us. He didn't make any aggressive motions or threaten us but just stood outside by the mailbox for a half hour, staring in the window at us and mumbling to himself. After we walked out to the car from the side door he moved around as if to follow us and it was upsetting. And all the way on the drive home I cursed the way he made me feel unsafe and paranoid and judgemental, wondering if I shouldn't move us all home to Olivia or some gated community where everyone has to "apply" to live and interact and where I wouldn't encounter situations like these.

He then took the form of the hitch-hiker on The Twilight Zone, showing up at every corner, beating me to the next block or peering at me from the back seat with his creepy sunglasses on. Or a ridiculously fast running fiend like the Terminator made of liquid metal who could run as fast as a driving car. He became every villain I've ever known, Norman Bates standing above my bed when I was eight, Jason's mother stalking the camp counsellors, Mrs. Danvers in the burning house, Regan backbending down the stairs like a crab; someone whose mission it was to chase me down and get me. He was everywhere and everything horrible.

And I thought of what I would do if he followed me home or if I saw him on the street during day light hours with my kids, or some other alarming situation but then I remembered that the moment anyone questionable takes one step toward my family I become Beatrix Kiddo.

So, what to do about this? I don't like giving people power over my well being. Maybe I can just offer him the largest possible java chip frappucino JUST to stay the fuck away from me. But he'll be in, wanting more, to be sure. No one can stop at just one java chip frappucino. Today it's a frappucino, tomorrow it'll be a sirena espresso machine and a hander at knifepoint.

On Second Thought. . .

A little over a year back, I wrote a bit about Olivia and really seriously wanting to move home because I basically had no sense of home, belonging, or community here in Minneapolis. Much in our lives has changed since I wrote that rant, but today I completely reevaluated my position on that, mostly due to my morning shift at Starbucks.
There IS a sense of community here, I just never saw it until this year. The morning crew and crowd at Starbucks are an amazing group of people. They come totally just to hang out with each other, drink coffee, and gab. I've only been working mornings on the weekends for a month or so, but already many of the them know my name and a little bit about me. I guess it makes sense that I missed Olivia the way I did for so long when I consider that this vibe was completely absent when I worked in the Edina Starbucks.

I feel good about this. I still miss Olivia sometimes but this somehow feels right for me, now.