a few thoughts on a sweltering evening

1. I've said this before, many times probably, but i can FEEL myself ovulating. Right now. I can totally sense that it is my fertile 3 or 4 days because EVERY SINGLE MAN I SEE starts to look hot. There is a grinding primal urge to get knocked up again and I don't know how women get around this. Men obviously walk around with their urges to further the species every day of their adult lives but if this is how the hormones make them feel, I kind of sympathize with them cuz DAMN.


2. I was also thinking today that somewhere there must be an actual job for the things I like to do, a way to make money with them, maybe? Here are some ideas: professional optimist (you tell me about your "issues" and I will talk you through them pointing out all the positives or I will make you laugh with random useless bits of pop culture trivia and movie quotes). Cross-stitcher for old ladies' samplers or wall decorations. I love cross stitching. Professional reader. YOU choose the books and I will read them aloud to you. Will do different voices and/or accents for more money. Old school gaming tutor. Speciallizing in the Marios, Simon's Quest, Vegas Stakes, Big Brain Academy, and Guitar Hero (or any activision atari games plus Frogger).

3. Aside from the item listed above (1.), I have come to the realization that I am not what can be considered a "normal" woman. I mean I've finally taken to sort of doing my hair again and wearing a spot of makeup here and there, and I suppose I enjoy shopping well enough, but the things I like to buy are books and games. I have probably 5 pairs of shoes, 2 of which are "tennies," 2 of which are flip-flops. I don't want any more. Maybe this is because my feet are so huge and unappealling. I can think of nothing worse than a. trying to "showcase" them in a pair of strappy sandals, and b. paying some huge amount of money for them. I have 3 purses. One is huge and leather. One is small and impractical. Both were less than $60. I'm using neither of them at the time being because I hate lugging them around with us when there really is no room for anything more than cards and a phone.
On this note, some days I remember what it was like to be super thin with perfectly toned legs and abs and able to eat anything at all without any negative impact (or how did meryl streep say it in death becomes her? YOU STAND THERE WITH YOUR 22 YEAR OLD SKIN AND TITS LIKE **ROCKS**) yes, that. Sometimes I miss that physical youngness but I really don't have any desire to try to recreate it now, just because i would feel ridiculous if I didn't look at least a little mom-ish. The daughter of one of my neighbors already thinks I'm THE NANNY. . . maybe I look too immature to be a bona-fide baby-poppin' mama?

4. WHO DOESN'T ENJOY COFFEE? I still can't believe there are people out there that don't drink it. IF you get migranes from it, I'm feeling that, or if you're pregnant or nursing, sure. But the rest (miss the rest of me?)? WHAT GIVES?