Some bluntness about myself.

I've just been sitting here, reflecting about the holidays and have realized one or two things. These things probably will give the lay person a good deal of insight into me (this is me, after all).

1. I have never and will never, get stressed out about cleaning. I don't know how this came to me, since my mother is an absolute lunatic when it comes to cleaning for company. I seriously do not give a shit. This is not a lazy-because-I-have-so-many-kids thing. If anything, I've gotten a lot better in terms of bathroom, kitchen, and vacuum duty. I have a house that I open up to anyone (within reason) who wants to hang out here. I love having people over. The kids love having people over. The place gets trashed? Crumbs are on the carpet? The laundry piles up? WHO GIVES A FUCK? Sometimes I am just busy, enjoying my life, my kids, my reading, my cross stitching, etc. The house will not fall down if I don't clean/organize things. In fact, I had to live halfway between a house that almost did fall down because of a roofer (KRIS SCOTT) and a teeny hotel room, and I have to say, now, that most people would have killed either themselves, their husbands, the insurance people and the roofer after something like this. Thank god I wasn't freaking out about crumbs or cobwebs. The missing walls and my sanity (7 months pregnant) ranked just a bit higher.

2. I have never and will never, get stressed out about silly ceremonial OBLIGATIONS. I'm not talking about religion here. I'm talking about RSVPs, kids' birthday parties, holiday cards, Christmas/Birthday presents, etc. This also came to a head last year with my mother over certain RICOCK things that I won't even list they are so dumb and petty. It's your birthday? Eventually I'll get you something.

3. The parenting culture today sometimes really floors me, not in a good way. I'm talking about our generation, GenX, for the most part. What a bunch of insecure, judgemental freaks we can be! I am dealing with this for the second year now at Bubby's school, where most of the Coach and Prada Edina moms about DIE when they see Matt for the first time, wearing something like a Snakes on a Plane shirt or just having all his piercings, etc, but now that the school year is half over, they are suddenly warming to me/us. I'm sure this has something to do with everyone actually seeing each other with their children, regularly, and being able to witness the fact that we are decent people/parents. Great. Maybe now they don't think we're meth-addled porn distributors anymore. HAHAHAHA WE FOOLED THEM!!!!!!!


4. I have never and will never understood "party culture." I can go on a drinking bender about once a year, almost always during Corn Capital Days. I guess I just got my dad's drinking aversion.

5. I honestly don't feel tied down having this many kids. Getting everyone ready and dealing with all kinds of chaos is seriously not that bad, and most days, it doesn't even phase me. This is due very much to the fact that Matt helps/shares with everything. If I had an unhelpful spouse I would totally be singing a different tune. This is really the Cancer (zodiac, not disease) in me just glowing and flourishing with my cute (large) family. I am so thankful to have all I have; we are so blessed to have these wonderful beings and each other.

did i mention. . .

that while very illuminating and beautiful to look at, i really am beginning to loathe full moons?

the chaos around here is 10 times its normal level. the only thing semi-holding things together is that bubby, in effort to secure himself a rubber snake and rubber shark from the rainforest cafe, has been really trying to be good, so his role in this is for once, minimal.

zizzy has 20030404303 fits per day about clothing, changing her outfits, and not being able to get into them properly. SCREAMING fits. she gets super mad and wants my help but doesn't want my help and then gets madder at the fact that she knows that she NEEDS my help. all her clothes are now taken out of her drawers and on hangers. the rest of the clean laundry that i had folded and sorted in a laundry basket is on the top shelf of her closet. i am not dealing with it anymore.


beebins. has not slept in approximately 3 days. the tooth has finally started to ridge out onto her gum line but the thing is, she is not just teething/tired/crazy, she has become the master sleep fighter. kicking and flailing and writhing around like a goddamned SNAKE. i thought the constant sleep interruptions were actually going unnoticed (in and by me) but right after lunch today i had a trademark SPAZ over something small (the telltale sign i have not had enough sleep or am just really really hungry) and i realized that THIS FUCKING SUCKS. she's getting the tylonal tonight, for sure. ugh.

zizzy got all of her teeth without so much as a peep. but this is also the child that slept through the night at 2 months, weaned herself a 8 months, ate every morsel of anything ever put in front of her and basically smiled her way through baby-hood. Oh and spoke in sentences at 13 months too, so if she ever did get upset about something, she told us IN WORDS what she was pissed about.

onto the more interesting items (not really). . .

1. dreamed about joey from work again 2 nights ago. this is getting a little. . . weird. again, not a sexual dream, but the implications of what happened in it are. . . disturbing. we were working at starbucks, i was the shift and he was the barista. then soon, MATT (my husband) comes in and HE's the shift and he's coming in to relieve me and he is going to close the store. so i'm leaving him this massive list of things that need to get done and pretty soon i realize that joey is leaving too, with me. as in, we're leaving together. i don't know if i'm giving him a ride, or if he's coming with me for some other reason or what, but the real issue is that I'm leaving work, leaving all my responsibility on matt, and i'm leaving with some dude. weird.

2. last night, i dreamed about lee gemlich (old manager from northwest that i though was hot). the dream also was not sexual or inappropriate, as far as my dreams normally go, but very random and strange. i was in some sort of detention at the U of M, for something, i don't know what. i think i was supposed to be a grad student. but a group of us were being interrogated for something and some creepy Mrs. Danvers lady was leading the questioning. I was getting mouthy and she was not impressed. soon i see from up in some little observation booth, lee gemlich is up there watching this whole thing. i saw him and wondered what he was doing there, like did he become a professor or something? then he came down because i guess he was the main guy in charge, and he had to get involved. i noticed he was wearing a red coat and goddamned riding boots or something (which now that i think about it, would make sense because he does bear resemblance to the actor jason isaacs who has played the main bad guy in the mel gibson film THE PATRIOT in which he would deffo have had on a red coat and riding boots. . . he is also the actor that plays LUCIUS MALFOY, who i also find intensely hot) and soon HE'S the one questioning me. but when he came down i had to sit down on this weird bar stool and face away from him while he paced around me in circles. the only awkward part of this whole thing was when i suddenly realized he was touching my back, as if to give me a back rub or something.

which, in my hierarchy of wants and needs right now, would rank WAY above sex.