a trip down memory lane. . .

to remember the kind of mood i was in at this time last year, pregnant and without a house, here is a blog i did on myspace:

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


mia’s first cat fight.

little brat.

was probably around 2 and 1/2, i saw it just as it developed, girl yanking on her head, pulling hair, and clawing at her face. i don't know if mia provolked her, I FUCKING DOUBT IT, but she may have gotten in her space or something minor.......i went over to the scene to rescue my baby as the brat's mother was no where to be found, and i almost had a moment where i wondered if i would have to pull her off mia but she ran to me with her arms out, bawling WITH BATTLE SCARS of a little fingernail gouging her cheek and a red mark under her jaw...........

before i knew what was going on or could start giving this little shit the what-for some OTHER spazzy kid, a boy, who had been seriously annoying everyone in the area not 5 minutes prior to this started beating up mia's assailant, and i mean SERIOUSLY CLEANING HER CLOCK. grabbing her, pulling her hair, body slamming her and pushing her to the ground. girl brat was about 2 or so, boy probably about 4. i don't even think thkey knew each other. soon i had to break those two up and go WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? STOP FIGHTING! all the while trying to comfort my own daughter.......



again. no parents of either of the other 2 kids were anywhere around, only me and alisha, looking at each other as if to say WTF JUST HAPPENED!?!?!?? little girl brat ran off to find her mother, little boy disappeared somewhere.

i try to not to get too judgemental with toddlers' behavior, but what i saw was this girl BEATING on mia, not pushing her out of the way, not giving her one single slap, but WAILING ON HER.
it's making me mad talking about it.

maybe i need to get my own LAMB OF GOD t-shirt or just start carrying a wooden spoon around with me? all matt would have to do would be to look gruffly at the child or do a death metal yell and that would be all she wrote. unless of course her mother was one of the regular edina moms who get all flirtatious and SEXUAL when they see him all pierced and alternative, trying to get all over his stick...........


FUCK EVERYONE IN EDINA AND AT EDINBOROUGH PARK. CONTROL YOUR OBNOXIOUS, UGLY CHILDREN. NEXT TIME YOU MAY JUST EXPLODE BEHIND A BOX OF KABOOM CEREAL, IF YOU GET ME, OR I MAY SPLIT YOUR ATOMS WITH MY DEATH GLARE.

I'M THROUGH FUCKING AROUND WITH PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME.

did i mention. . .

that while very illuminating and beautiful to look at, i really am beginning to loathe full moons?

the chaos around here is 10 times its normal level. the only thing semi-holding things together is that bubby, in effort to secure himself a rubber snake and rubber shark from the rainforest cafe, has been really trying to be good, so his role in this is for once, minimal.

zizzy has 20030404303 fits per day about clothing, changing her outfits, and not being able to get into them properly. SCREAMING fits. she gets super mad and wants my help but doesn't want my help and then gets madder at the fact that she knows that she NEEDS my help. all her clothes are now taken out of her drawers and on hangers. the rest of the clean laundry that i had folded and sorted in a laundry basket is on the top shelf of her closet. i am not dealing with it anymore.


beebins. has not slept in approximately 3 days. the tooth has finally started to ridge out onto her gum line but the thing is, she is not just teething/tired/crazy, she has become the master sleep fighter. kicking and flailing and writhing around like a goddamned SNAKE. i thought the constant sleep interruptions were actually going unnoticed (in and by me) but right after lunch today i had a trademark SPAZ over something small (the telltale sign i have not had enough sleep or am just really really hungry) and i realized that THIS FUCKING SUCKS. she's getting the tylonal tonight, for sure. ugh.

zizzy got all of her teeth without so much as a peep. but this is also the child that slept through the night at 2 months, weaned herself a 8 months, ate every morsel of anything ever put in front of her and basically smiled her way through baby-hood. Oh and spoke in sentences at 13 months too, so if she ever did get upset about something, she told us IN WORDS what she was pissed about.

onto the more interesting items (not really). . .

1. dreamed about joey from work again 2 nights ago. this is getting a little. . . weird. again, not a sexual dream, but the implications of what happened in it are. . . disturbing. we were working at starbucks, i was the shift and he was the barista. then soon, MATT (my husband) comes in and HE's the shift and he's coming in to relieve me and he is going to close the store. so i'm leaving him this massive list of things that need to get done and pretty soon i realize that joey is leaving too, with me. as in, we're leaving together. i don't know if i'm giving him a ride, or if he's coming with me for some other reason or what, but the real issue is that I'm leaving work, leaving all my responsibility on matt, and i'm leaving with some dude. weird.

2. last night, i dreamed about lee gemlich (old manager from northwest that i though was hot). the dream also was not sexual or inappropriate, as far as my dreams normally go, but very random and strange. i was in some sort of detention at the U of M, for something, i don't know what. i think i was supposed to be a grad student. but a group of us were being interrogated for something and some creepy Mrs. Danvers lady was leading the questioning. I was getting mouthy and she was not impressed. soon i see from up in some little observation booth, lee gemlich is up there watching this whole thing. i saw him and wondered what he was doing there, like did he become a professor or something? then he came down because i guess he was the main guy in charge, and he had to get involved. i noticed he was wearing a red coat and goddamned riding boots or something (which now that i think about it, would make sense because he does bear resemblance to the actor jason isaacs who has played the main bad guy in the mel gibson film THE PATRIOT in which he would deffo have had on a red coat and riding boots. . . he is also the actor that plays LUCIUS MALFOY, who i also find intensely hot) and soon HE'S the one questioning me. but when he came down i had to sit down on this weird bar stool and face away from him while he paced around me in circles. the only awkward part of this whole thing was when i suddenly realized he was touching my back, as if to give me a back rub or something.

which, in my hierarchy of wants and needs right now, would rank WAY above sex.

Middle of Summer

yes, it's clicking by now, isn't it?

1. zizzy is wearing the butterfly princess ballarina costume that barb godin gave her when she was born. she insists on only wearing LITTLE MERMAID pull ups and refuses the cinderella ones. last night on the family trip to half price books she found a delightful ballarina book complete with butterfly wings, little star confetti, a tutu, and jewel stickers. pink purses, flower ponytail holders, etc., etc. WHEN DID SHE BECOME A GIRL? she was just born two seconds ago.

2. matt told me a horrible story about the severe beating of a 12 year old's father that happened at valleyfair on the 4th of July and I have not been right since. then we watched this film, BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU'RE DEAD last night and I've been trying to get both of these items out of my head (unsuccessfully). the film was intelligent and well done but a huge downer. the valleyfair thing. . . i can't even go into, really. ugh.

i'll just be here, in my idealistic bubble, pretending all is right with the world if anyone needs anything.

Banned

The kids are banned from Starbucks for probably a good couple of weeks.
Mia had a complete LOUIE over the lemonade not being shared today while I was picking up my MEAGER tips. . . Quentin completely and totally instigated this and egged her on the whole time so really I was madder at him than at her.

ugh.

A visit to the museum

We took a trip over to St. Paul to the Children's Museum today; it was fun and went well. My favorite happening by far was when, during lunch at McDonald's, Zizzy decided to pull her dress off over her head, throw it on the floor behind her, and run away from me as I tried to put it back on her. She was running around McDonald's completely unclothed save for her pull up and Dora underwear on over the top. I might have gotten a little annoyed if it wasn't so fricking RIDICULOUS.

Also: Matt has begun to let Bubby watch REN AND STIMPY lately and it's making me realize that someday, despite the fact that the shows he watches now like OSWALD and BLUE's CLUES are annoying and drive me crazy, I will probably miss them and long for the days he was so young and innocent, watching these toddler shows. I'm just not ready for REN AND STIMPY yet.

KING OF PAIN.

as in, i feel like the.

yesterday did not go well.
beebins woke up at 545. FOR THE MORNING. she had been up approximately 3 times prior to this early waking, so needless to say matt and i were both very tired and did not share her kicking enthusiasm for the morning. then she had a doctor's appointment at 10, which matt brough her to, and she had to get 3 shots, which is never pleasant. matt said she was super happy and kicky, flailing about and smiling at everyone. then the sticks. . . and the WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY DID YOU LET THEM DO THAT TO ME?!?!?!? look . . .

while matt and beebins were at the doc's, i took the kids up to walgreens to get some cleaning supplies and then a coffee cake snack at starbucks. mia proceeds to fall onto the knee which was scabbed up 2 days ago from falling on it, and reopens the wound and bleeds everywhere. so we go BACK to walgreens to get some sponge bob bandaids and head home.
later, after a target trip I manage to burn my arm on the oven taking the pizza out and the kids were running around spazzing from the sugar in the lemondae (bi-ade) i let them have with dinner.

NEXT: as they are chasing all over the place, mia pushes quentin into the wall, where he splits a gash into his head. it was gushing blood and causes us all to pile into the truck and speed to the southdale ER. I called work on the way there, and luckily they were covered so they told me to not worry about it. long story short=we wait until 1030pm for bubby to get the wound stapled together. matt brought the girls home after leah (FAMILY SAVIOR) showed up with a jimmy john's and later some coffee for me, entertainment, and moral support for bub. she also took pictures of his head so he could "see" what it looked like, as he kept asking.

AND matt got a migrane.

THE END.

The Rain.

It has me thinking of a million things all at once. My memory is a deep and complex trap that has so many nostalgic items tied up in the rain going through it right now. We just got back from a little walk up to get coffee where it rained a bit off and on most of the way. The minute I smelled it I was in the middle of: the orange circus peanuts in a kemp's ice cream bucket on the last day of Mrs. Desotell's Kindergarten field trip to nester park.

The day it poured for hours and my brother and I had to move the garbage bins (which were hacked off bright aqua colored containers that once held fertillizer from northside) again and again as the rain kept wooshing them off the curb.

The night my mother had a million of her hutchinson friends over, we ate green chili burritos (lorene hanson's recipe), sang and played folk tunes on the piano, and chased our first bat in the new house.

The day we went to the twin's game for a 6th grade field trip and i wore my cousin heidi's aqua green esprit spring jacket and lost the $10 my mother gave me (over which I cried the entire game).

The smell of dirt in the Tersteeg's/Terry's parking lot when they put up the greenhouse and had lilies for mother's day.

The 8th grade field trip to the eden prairie mall and then some outdoor excursion/picnic where the biggest issue was my hair getting flat because of the weather. (other noteworthy items were purple eyeliner and a whitesnake cd).

The smell of the cornfields at 6am after it had rained the night before.

In 11th grade there was a night over at julie's where denise and chad fischer took my camaro and put a LOG into it. Later that night I hooked up with the Chris Wittenberg. Also, there was a huge tornado that ripped through highway 71 going north on the night of our prom (almost paradise). I had no idea of this of course, as I had been busy at the time, hooking up with Chris Wittenberg.

The second night we had Bubby home from the hospital it rained. It was April, and the day had been hot so the rain was refreshing. He slept in the bouncy chair while we all ate Leah's wisconsin cheddar soup, watched The Sopranos, and then Deadwood. I learned how to use the breast pump that night. We had Lund's cherry cranberry "juice drink" in the refridgerator, as Lois had determined that I was dehydrated and needed to drink many more fluids.

When Bub was about a year old it would rain often too. I remember having the windows open and the nice breeze blowing in through them carrying the rainy smell. I would get paranoid that he would knock out the window-prop and cause the heavy window to slam down on his fingers, so I didn't ever let him lean out on to the window sill although he wanted to very much. We watched a lot of baby neptune back then, and the Sesame Street 25th anniversary video that had En Vogue doing one of the segments.

After Zizzy was born we took walks to walgreens and kowalski's almost every day. One time we left when the sun was shining and when we came out of the store it was pouring rain. I had to distract bubby from the unpleasantness of getting wet so the whole way back i kept telling him we were getting SOPPED! he found the word hilarious and kept repeating it too. I made a scrapbook page of a picture i took of us when we got back. Zizz in the bjorn and bub leaning in, all of us totally soaked.

Then, last year, on July 18, KRIS SCOTT left our roof exposed with no tarp over it during a downpour that lasted about 2 hours. I was here with the kids when water started pouring in, first through all the light fixtures and then through every seam in every ceiling in the back half of the house. We left the house the next day and did not live in it again until October 28.

On our way back from Starbucks tonight, Beebins was kicking and laughing and having a great time watching the other two kids run around collecting leaves. I think part of the wonder of having kids, especially when they are babies, is the complete innocence and optimism with which they see the world. I thought of all my rain memories and hoped that by the time Beatrix is my age she will have fond rain memories too. I hope my kids never have to know war or poverty or desperation. I feel like I have been lucky so far not having to deal with these things firsthand myself although many many other people have. I want days where everyone in the world has nothing on their minds but the ridiculous kinds of things that fill mine.