I have arrived at a conclusion. The meaning of life is giving yourself things to look forward to. Not necessarily material things, but events, feelings, rewards, interactions, etc. The more you can stack the deck toward things you can happily anticipate, the better. Pick things out of the day that can qualify, even if they are small and seemingly unimportant.
Here are some of mine, at this late time of the evening:
1. peeking in on the kids and seeing them asleep.
2. watching media event with Matt
3. media event snack.
4. geeking out with my cross stitch.
5. the two huge, firm pillows on my bed that make my sleep heavenly.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Emotional Update
There are a few things brewing in my head right now.
I have about 4 weeks of work left before I go on my maternity leave. The last financial quarter has been difficult for everyone working at Starbucks; many of us are not getting our hours. The last paycheck I saw showed that I am about 9 hours under what I need to be at for benefits qualification, and during the next 2 weeks I was about 4 hours short each week, which will leave me with a 17 hour deficit to make up before June 14.
Bluntly, NO FUCKING WAY.
I am not one to shy away from responsibility or difficult work, but this is getting a little bit tedious (and ridiculous). I cut back my availability to only work 5 hour shifts from here on in, which is what I did during the last month of being pregnant with Beatrix. It's not horribly physical, but it's a physical job on your feet constantly, with 10 minute breaks to eat or use the bathroom. I quit working during the weekend mornings because it was taking me away from my family and the craziness factor down there was just too high. I am short on hours to begin with because (gasp) I took off for four days FOR EASTER. Now I've been struggling to make up for it, unsuccessfully.
I am beginning to realize that while company health insurance is important, especially for a family this size, it's starting to not be worth it to me. I don't want to have to be under ANYONE'S thumb, and this is how I feel. I cannot ask for a day off because I'll lose hours. I cannot expect to take holidays off because I'll lose hours. If someone calls me at the last minute and asks me to work for them, I HAVE to do it, despite how I've explained to my kids that I'll be home with them because I am always trying to keep ahead of the 240 required hours per financial quarter that I need to maintain.
I had this feeling during my last few months of being at Northwest. I knew that it wasn't worth it anymore, and that I was absolutely fine with giving it all up, but yet a part of me hesitated and was chicken about severing the relationship. And while this isn't the same situation, exactly, (I would get to keep our current insurance until the end of July, so the baby's birth will be covered, and I wouldn't be quitting, we'd just need to get insurance somewhere else) I am still hesitating a little about the situation. There are 3 options, all of them better than me having to do what I'm doing now.
1. Get insurance outright from Blue Cross. It's the most expensive but least difficult option.
2. Get a job at UPS when I finish my maternity leave and get benefits there (as well as $1500 per semester in tuition reimbursement). This option is a little bit more involved, but the long term may pay off, especially if they pay for Graduate school.
3. Go on Minnesota Care/Medical Assistance if we qualify and keep working at Starbucks. This would of course be by far the easiest option. The kids already qualify to be on it, and as long as I'm pregnant, so do I. Matt might not, and he's really the one who needs insurance the most for his migraine prescriptions.
I look back on decisions that I've made over the years, and the only regret I have is the obsessive over-analysis I've given to situations that weren't that big a deal. I am wondering if, in the long run, this will be one of them. . . .
I have about 4 weeks of work left before I go on my maternity leave. The last financial quarter has been difficult for everyone working at Starbucks; many of us are not getting our hours. The last paycheck I saw showed that I am about 9 hours under what I need to be at for benefits qualification, and during the next 2 weeks I was about 4 hours short each week, which will leave me with a 17 hour deficit to make up before June 14.
Bluntly, NO FUCKING WAY.
I am not one to shy away from responsibility or difficult work, but this is getting a little bit tedious (and ridiculous). I cut back my availability to only work 5 hour shifts from here on in, which is what I did during the last month of being pregnant with Beatrix. It's not horribly physical, but it's a physical job on your feet constantly, with 10 minute breaks to eat or use the bathroom. I quit working during the weekend mornings because it was taking me away from my family and the craziness factor down there was just too high. I am short on hours to begin with because (gasp) I took off for four days FOR EASTER. Now I've been struggling to make up for it, unsuccessfully.
I am beginning to realize that while company health insurance is important, especially for a family this size, it's starting to not be worth it to me. I don't want to have to be under ANYONE'S thumb, and this is how I feel. I cannot ask for a day off because I'll lose hours. I cannot expect to take holidays off because I'll lose hours. If someone calls me at the last minute and asks me to work for them, I HAVE to do it, despite how I've explained to my kids that I'll be home with them because I am always trying to keep ahead of the 240 required hours per financial quarter that I need to maintain.
I had this feeling during my last few months of being at Northwest. I knew that it wasn't worth it anymore, and that I was absolutely fine with giving it all up, but yet a part of me hesitated and was chicken about severing the relationship. And while this isn't the same situation, exactly, (I would get to keep our current insurance until the end of July, so the baby's birth will be covered, and I wouldn't be quitting, we'd just need to get insurance somewhere else) I am still hesitating a little about the situation. There are 3 options, all of them better than me having to do what I'm doing now.
1. Get insurance outright from Blue Cross. It's the most expensive but least difficult option.
2. Get a job at UPS when I finish my maternity leave and get benefits there (as well as $1500 per semester in tuition reimbursement). This option is a little bit more involved, but the long term may pay off, especially if they pay for Graduate school.
3. Go on Minnesota Care/Medical Assistance if we qualify and keep working at Starbucks. This would of course be by far the easiest option. The kids already qualify to be on it, and as long as I'm pregnant, so do I. Matt might not, and he's really the one who needs insurance the most for his migraine prescriptions.
I look back on decisions that I've made over the years, and the only regret I have is the obsessive over-analysis I've given to situations that weren't that big a deal. I am wondering if, in the long run, this will be one of them. . . .
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