So today on the way driving my brother from St. Paul over to here in the morning sun there was an "incident." I don't mean a family drama incident, but an incident that caused me to seriously get worried about my health, and this is rare.
On 35 south right about the time where you exit on Diamond Lake Road, I started having this weird flickery thing in my left eye, kind of like I was seeing a prism reflected on the windshield, but it went everywhere I looked. I squinted and squinted, trying to see if this was something reflecting on the glass or if it was just me, but I couldn't tell. The sun was seriously so bright I was having a hard time seeing anything through the windshield anyway. But soon this glare-effect was still happening after I turned west and was away from the sun. I closed my eyes and it was still happening, in my closed eyes. It was like a weird, oscillating circle that just kept going around and around. When I finally got to our alley and parked, I closed my eyes again and it was still happening, in a major way. It was very alarming. I could not make it stop and I started to get paranoid. Of course the main things I associate flickering in the eyes with are migraines, high blood pressure, and BRAIN TUMORS. Super.
I got in the house and changed Beebins' poopy diaper and the whole time this continued. I looked in the mirror and everything "looked" fine but the reaction continued. The only thing I could think of was to get out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, which I did. This made it stop.
Later, after I got over my weird shocked feeling about this whole thing happening, I called my mother and asked her about her eye condition (ptyerigiam?) where, from sun damage, the eye gets a weird, clear coating over it that is sensitive to light and wind. I asked her if this sort of thing ever happened to her and she said, YES, VERY COMMON.
I guess it's high time I started wearing sunglasses. I HATE them, so this will be difficult.
Buddism, you ask? Well, here's how it relates:
In a really excellent novel TOUCHING PEACE, a Vietnamese monk named Thihn naht Hahn tries to explain how we should all be thankful for each day we have, each day we are alive and well. Some days when we have a headache or toothache, it's all we can focus on, and we curse each moment we're in pain. He says we should learn to appreciate the seemingly random, normal days where we DON"T have pain, and to be thankful for them. In meditation, we breathe in and out and smile to our healthy organs. Breathing in and out we realize we don't have a toothache and we smile at our non-toothache. I love it. I love it that there are others out there who try to be positive (he really is probably the greatest person at this ever, and I am just a petty, oft-complaining hag, but it's good to have a role model, I guess, despite my flaws and dissimilarities).
Once this ridiculous flashing in my eye went away I smiled to my non-flashing eye.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Some bluntness about myself.
I've just been sitting here, reflecting about the holidays and have realized one or two things. These things probably will give the lay person a good deal of insight into me (this is me, after all).
1. I have never and will never, get stressed out about cleaning. I don't know how this came to me, since my mother is an absolute lunatic when it comes to cleaning for company. I seriously do not give a shit. This is not a lazy-because-I-have-so-many-kids thing. If anything, I've gotten a lot better in terms of bathroom, kitchen, and vacuum duty. I have a house that I open up to anyone (within reason) who wants to hang out here. I love having people over. The kids love having people over. The place gets trashed? Crumbs are on the carpet? The laundry piles up? WHO GIVES A FUCK? Sometimes I am just busy, enjoying my life, my kids, my reading, my cross stitching, etc. The house will not fall down if I don't clean/organize things. In fact, I had to live halfway between a house that almost did fall down because of a roofer (KRIS SCOTT) and a teeny hotel room, and I have to say, now, that most people would have killed either themselves, their husbands, the insurance people and the roofer after something like this. Thank god I wasn't freaking out about crumbs or cobwebs. The missing walls and my sanity (7 months pregnant) ranked just a bit higher.
2. I have never and will never, get stressed out about silly ceremonial OBLIGATIONS. I'm not talking about religion here. I'm talking about RSVPs, kids' birthday parties, holiday cards, Christmas/Birthday presents, etc. This also came to a head last year with my mother over certain RICOCK things that I won't even list they are so dumb and petty. It's your birthday? Eventually I'll get you something.
3. The parenting culture today sometimes really floors me, not in a good way. I'm talking about our generation, GenX, for the most part. What a bunch of insecure, judgemental freaks we can be! I am dealing with this for the second year now at Bubby's school, where most of the Coach and Prada Edina moms about DIE when they see Matt for the first time, wearing something like a Snakes on a Plane shirt or just having all his piercings, etc, but now that the school year is half over, they are suddenly warming to me/us. I'm sure this has something to do with everyone actually seeing each other with their children, regularly, and being able to witness the fact that we are decent people/parents. Great. Maybe now they don't think we're meth-addled porn distributors anymore. HAHAHAHA WE FOOLED THEM!!!!!!!
4. I have never and will never understood "party culture." I can go on a drinking bender about once a year, almost always during Corn Capital Days. I guess I just got my dad's drinking aversion.
5. I honestly don't feel tied down having this many kids. Getting everyone ready and dealing with all kinds of chaos is seriously not that bad, and most days, it doesn't even phase me. This is due very much to the fact that Matt helps/shares with everything. If I had an unhelpful spouse I would totally be singing a different tune. This is really the Cancer (zodiac, not disease) in me just glowing and flourishing with my cute (large) family. I am so thankful to have all I have; we are so blessed to have these wonderful beings and each other.
1. I have never and will never, get stressed out about cleaning. I don't know how this came to me, since my mother is an absolute lunatic when it comes to cleaning for company. I seriously do not give a shit. This is not a lazy-because-I-have-so-many-kids thing. If anything, I've gotten a lot better in terms of bathroom, kitchen, and vacuum duty. I have a house that I open up to anyone (within reason) who wants to hang out here. I love having people over. The kids love having people over. The place gets trashed? Crumbs are on the carpet? The laundry piles up? WHO GIVES A FUCK? Sometimes I am just busy, enjoying my life, my kids, my reading, my cross stitching, etc. The house will not fall down if I don't clean/organize things. In fact, I had to live halfway between a house that almost did fall down because of a roofer (KRIS SCOTT) and a teeny hotel room, and I have to say, now, that most people would have killed either themselves, their husbands, the insurance people and the roofer after something like this. Thank god I wasn't freaking out about crumbs or cobwebs. The missing walls and my sanity (7 months pregnant) ranked just a bit higher.
2. I have never and will never, get stressed out about silly ceremonial OBLIGATIONS. I'm not talking about religion here. I'm talking about RSVPs, kids' birthday parties, holiday cards, Christmas/Birthday presents, etc. This also came to a head last year with my mother over certain RICOCK things that I won't even list they are so dumb and petty. It's your birthday? Eventually I'll get you something.
3. The parenting culture today sometimes really floors me, not in a good way. I'm talking about our generation, GenX, for the most part. What a bunch of insecure, judgemental freaks we can be! I am dealing with this for the second year now at Bubby's school, where most of the Coach and Prada Edina moms about DIE when they see Matt for the first time, wearing something like a Snakes on a Plane shirt or just having all his piercings, etc, but now that the school year is half over, they are suddenly warming to me/us. I'm sure this has something to do with everyone actually seeing each other with their children, regularly, and being able to witness the fact that we are decent people/parents. Great. Maybe now they don't think we're meth-addled porn distributors anymore. HAHAHAHA WE FOOLED THEM!!!!!!!
4. I have never and will never understood "party culture." I can go on a drinking bender about once a year, almost always during Corn Capital Days. I guess I just got my dad's drinking aversion.
5. I honestly don't feel tied down having this many kids. Getting everyone ready and dealing with all kinds of chaos is seriously not that bad, and most days, it doesn't even phase me. This is due very much to the fact that Matt helps/shares with everything. If I had an unhelpful spouse I would totally be singing a different tune. This is really the Cancer (zodiac, not disease) in me just glowing and flourishing with my cute (large) family. I am so thankful to have all I have; we are so blessed to have these wonderful beings and each other.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
3rd floor: complaints. . . .
you know you are bored when the items to complain about are not having fresh parsley and three buck chuck for the beef stroganoff. Matt of course would add having to eat it on rice rather than egg noodles, but hey, MY ENERGY/WORK= MY DECISIONS.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Controversial Survey
I needed some help tonight. Here it is:
Controversy
01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey? FULL ON. I think everyone should do it.
[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
What kind of nutter would even consider legalizing it? HEY! Here's this really good stuff that makes you stay up for days, eat nothing, and makes you look like the goddamned crypt keeper but minus the teeth, wanna try? Meth needs to go away.
[03] Abortion: for or against it?
Parenting is the most important thing any two people can take on. NO ONE should be forced into it. Give away FREE birth control in any form on any street corner to anyone who wants it.
[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
I think eventually the male species will become obsolete and the females will support the world, like lion prides and many insect colonies, only keeping one male around for survival of the race. And that this might not necessarily be a bad thing.
[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
I don't think something like this is my decision to make, whether someone lives or dies. However, I do think there should be such a thing as OKAY, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH CHANCES AND YOU'RE DONE, PERMANENTLY.
[06] Do you think Marijuana should be legalized?
I would vote for it, yes.
[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
Please. If you're responsible about it I don't care what you do.
[08] Do you believe in God?
I believe more in the idea of the son and savior, but yes. God works in there too.
[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Yes, I'd vote for it.
[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Well, I guess it's wrong if the law is being broken but it's not something I worry about heavily.
[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
That's her decision and her parents' decision, not mine. But how unfortunate.
[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
For christ's sake, NO.
[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Yes. What exactly is going on there right now? I mean, I support the armed forces and thank them for serving, but the two wars going on right now are POINTLESS. And I hope everyone enjoys the recession and trillions owed as a result. Fix things HERE. There are plenty of things that need it.
[14] Assisted suicide is illegal, do you agree?
I don't have a law book on me right now. . . People will find a way to do what they want to do.
15 Do you believe in spanking your children?
In certain circumstances, yes. Depends on the child. There are probably better, more effective ways to ensure kids respect their elders though.
[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
I never thought so, but given the last 8 years, I definitely have a better sense of what it feels like to be ashamed of your country and president and how as a citizen, it is an important right to have protected, (being able to protest and disagree).
[17] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
I was voting for Obama from the beginning, but here's the thing: McCain is a smart guy. He doesn't give off much personality in interviews (and personality is a HUGE thing for me) but he was at least competent. Obviously I don't have too much in common with the republican party. I'm not a millionaire, I'm don't think that religion has any effect on what the LAW should be or how someone runs the country, and I am anti-war. That being said, I would have been much more okay with McCain being president than George W, the worst president this country will ever see. However: the minute he brought Sarah Palin on board he went right into the old crapper, as far as I'm concerned. She's probably an okay person, and kudos for her for, I don't know, succeeding in her career, but that woman as a vice president was the most ridiculously STUPID idea anyone ever had.
[18] Do you think Obama will be killed?
I'm an optimist, so no. And I believe that if there are idiots out there who would plot something like that, then they would try to carry it out in an idiotic way and that the secret service is probably light years smarter than them.
[19] Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
Yeah, like the outer handle of my hanzo sword.
[20] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
I don't think they will surprise anyone. . . .
Controversy
01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey? FULL ON. I think everyone should do it.
[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
What kind of nutter would even consider legalizing it? HEY! Here's this really good stuff that makes you stay up for days, eat nothing, and makes you look like the goddamned crypt keeper but minus the teeth, wanna try? Meth needs to go away.
[03] Abortion: for or against it?
Parenting is the most important thing any two people can take on. NO ONE should be forced into it. Give away FREE birth control in any form on any street corner to anyone who wants it.
[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
I think eventually the male species will become obsolete and the females will support the world, like lion prides and many insect colonies, only keeping one male around for survival of the race. And that this might not necessarily be a bad thing.
[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
I don't think something like this is my decision to make, whether someone lives or dies. However, I do think there should be such a thing as OKAY, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH CHANCES AND YOU'RE DONE, PERMANENTLY.
[06] Do you think Marijuana should be legalized?
I would vote for it, yes.
[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
Please. If you're responsible about it I don't care what you do.
[08] Do you believe in God?
I believe more in the idea of the son and savior, but yes. God works in there too.
[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Yes, I'd vote for it.
[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Well, I guess it's wrong if the law is being broken but it's not something I worry about heavily.
[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
That's her decision and her parents' decision, not mine. But how unfortunate.
[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
For christ's sake, NO.
[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Yes. What exactly is going on there right now? I mean, I support the armed forces and thank them for serving, but the two wars going on right now are POINTLESS. And I hope everyone enjoys the recession and trillions owed as a result. Fix things HERE. There are plenty of things that need it.
[14] Assisted suicide is illegal, do you agree?
I don't have a law book on me right now. . . People will find a way to do what they want to do.
15 Do you believe in spanking your children?
In certain circumstances, yes. Depends on the child. There are probably better, more effective ways to ensure kids respect their elders though.
[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
I never thought so, but given the last 8 years, I definitely have a better sense of what it feels like to be ashamed of your country and president and how as a citizen, it is an important right to have protected, (being able to protest and disagree).
[17] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
I was voting for Obama from the beginning, but here's the thing: McCain is a smart guy. He doesn't give off much personality in interviews (and personality is a HUGE thing for me) but he was at least competent. Obviously I don't have too much in common with the republican party. I'm not a millionaire, I'm don't think that religion has any effect on what the LAW should be or how someone runs the country, and I am anti-war. That being said, I would have been much more okay with McCain being president than George W, the worst president this country will ever see. However: the minute he brought Sarah Palin on board he went right into the old crapper, as far as I'm concerned. She's probably an okay person, and kudos for her for, I don't know, succeeding in her career, but that woman as a vice president was the most ridiculously STUPID idea anyone ever had.
[18] Do you think Obama will be killed?
I'm an optimist, so no. And I believe that if there are idiots out there who would plot something like that, then they would try to carry it out in an idiotic way and that the secret service is probably light years smarter than them.
[19] Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
Yeah, like the outer handle of my hanzo sword.
[20] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
I don't think they will surprise anyone. . . .
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Literary Bluntness 2
The Working Fair
Today was a good day. I finished my shift and went over to the Edina Starbucks where I needed to pick up tips from a different shift last week. I hoped the whole bus ride over that the tips would be good but (Edina aside) knew they would not. My disappointment over the lousy six dollars was almost imperceptable because I had seen the bulging sack hanging on one of the coat racks when I walked to the back with the store manager coming in. "LOST AND FOUND." Everyone was busy working so no one noticed me digging through it. On my way out the manager asked if I would come back for another couple of shifts next week.
"Absolutely," I said with a smile and asked if they would by chance be okay with marking out an iced venti of whole milk for me for the ride home. They gave it to me for free.
The pawn shop gave me fifty for the motorola, seventy-five for the Miami ink commemorative motorola, and one-fifty for the Louie keychain. Avi seems to recognize me now.
So I came home with twenty four ounces of milk for the baby and a pack of actual Pampers (not generic). Tomorrow we'll go to the doctor for a check-up and then to the zoo, maybe.
Today was a good day. I finished my shift and went over to the Edina Starbucks where I needed to pick up tips from a different shift last week. I hoped the whole bus ride over that the tips would be good but (Edina aside) knew they would not. My disappointment over the lousy six dollars was almost imperceptable because I had seen the bulging sack hanging on one of the coat racks when I walked to the back with the store manager coming in. "LOST AND FOUND." Everyone was busy working so no one noticed me digging through it. On my way out the manager asked if I would come back for another couple of shifts next week.
"Absolutely," I said with a smile and asked if they would by chance be okay with marking out an iced venti of whole milk for me for the ride home. They gave it to me for free.
The pawn shop gave me fifty for the motorola, seventy-five for the Miami ink commemorative motorola, and one-fifty for the Louie keychain. Avi seems to recognize me now.
So I came home with twenty four ounces of milk for the baby and a pack of actual Pampers (not generic). Tomorrow we'll go to the doctor for a check-up and then to the zoo, maybe.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
A Day in the Life of the Privledged. . .
Chick with about 4 different COACH accessories, also accessory INFANT getting her large, vegan-ish looking KEVIN SMITH husband (yes, this combination was very odd for me to process, too) insisting that he get someone over to WIPE CRUMBS OFF THE TABLE so that they could sit down. Guess what? The condiment bar comes equipped with napkins! And had the previous table sitter not been JUST LIKE YOU (oblivious and disrespectful) they may have had their messy children, I don't know, CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES!
You would NEVER know there is a recession going on at Starbucks. People buy $5 drinks left and right, sometimes multiple times per day. People load their cards with HUNDREDS of dollars. Then, when I got home and started thumbing through the New York Times (that I lifted from work) I came across the Sunday Style section. Gucci bag for the bargain price of $1989. People live like this?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Two things of which I disapprove:
1. Crazy old bat in the neighborhood who is in a less than ideal domestic situation with her son and his white trash friends living with her (the WHITE TRASH HOUSE) making comments to Matt about the number of kids we have and how **brave** we are, but not in an admiring tone of voice, so not at all impressed with our **bravery**. Could do without this. I don't usually have to justify our choices in having more than the normal number of children when people see us with them/can witness that we actually enjoy it/have a good time being a chaotic crazy family with a bunch of kids, etc., but I can see maybe down the road having to get all Martha Sears on people and explain to them: THE WORLD NEEDS THESE KIDS.
2. Comments this morning on KDWB about THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO NOW THAT OBAMA IS PRESIDENT. This was an extremely tasteless, racially insulting bit of ridiculously uneducated and ignorant blather that seriously needs to not exist. I can't believe they even aired it.
2. Comments this morning on KDWB about THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO NOW THAT OBAMA IS PRESIDENT. This was an extremely tasteless, racially insulting bit of ridiculously uneducated and ignorant blather that seriously needs to not exist. I can't believe they even aired it.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Literary Bluntness
Tonight another freak stayed on until close at Starbucks. Not a drunk, this time, but some sort of schizophrenic who seemed hostile toward us. He didn't make any aggressive motions or threaten us but just stood outside by the mailbox for a half hour, staring in the window at us and mumbling to himself. After we walked out to the car from the side door he moved around as if to follow us and it was upsetting. And all the way on the drive home I cursed the way he made me feel unsafe and paranoid and judgemental, wondering if I shouldn't move us all home to Olivia or some gated community where everyone has to "apply" to live and interact and where I wouldn't encounter situations like these.
He then took the form of the hitch-hiker on The Twilight Zone, showing up at every corner, beating me to the next block or peering at me from the back seat with his creepy sunglasses on. Or a ridiculously fast running fiend like the Terminator made of liquid metal who could run as fast as a driving car. He became every villain I've ever known, Norman Bates standing above my bed when I was eight, Jason's mother stalking the camp counsellors, Mrs. Danvers in the burning house, Regan backbending down the stairs like a crab; someone whose mission it was to chase me down and get me. He was everywhere and everything horrible.
And I thought of what I would do if he followed me home or if I saw him on the street during day light hours with my kids, or some other alarming situation but then I remembered that the moment anyone questionable takes one step toward my family I become Beatrix Kiddo.
So, what to do about this? I don't like giving people power over my well being. Maybe I can just offer him the largest possible java chip frappucino JUST to stay the fuck away from me. But he'll be in, wanting more, to be sure. No one can stop at just one java chip frappucino. Today it's a frappucino, tomorrow it'll be a sirena espresso machine and a hander at knifepoint.
He then took the form of the hitch-hiker on The Twilight Zone, showing up at every corner, beating me to the next block or peering at me from the back seat with his creepy sunglasses on. Or a ridiculously fast running fiend like the Terminator made of liquid metal who could run as fast as a driving car. He became every villain I've ever known, Norman Bates standing above my bed when I was eight, Jason's mother stalking the camp counsellors, Mrs. Danvers in the burning house, Regan backbending down the stairs like a crab; someone whose mission it was to chase me down and get me. He was everywhere and everything horrible.
And I thought of what I would do if he followed me home or if I saw him on the street during day light hours with my kids, or some other alarming situation but then I remembered that the moment anyone questionable takes one step toward my family I become Beatrix Kiddo.
So, what to do about this? I don't like giving people power over my well being. Maybe I can just offer him the largest possible java chip frappucino JUST to stay the fuck away from me. But he'll be in, wanting more, to be sure. No one can stop at just one java chip frappucino. Today it's a frappucino, tomorrow it'll be a sirena espresso machine and a hander at knifepoint.
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