Guy:
We are both thrilled after hearing your decision to "join" us in our endeavors. This brings us more joy than you or Rosemary could ever know; perhaps after the birth you may actually want to consider postponing your relocation to Beverly Hills to examine our cause more thoroughly, Minnie and I both think you would make a splendid addition to the coven. Of course Rosemary may take a bit longer to see things our way. . .
We thought we'd send you some helpful bits of advice to draw upon during the next eight months. In collaboration with Dr. Sapirstein's orders, here they are, and we strenuously beg you NOT TO DEVIATE FROM THEM at any time. The results could be more than a little disastrous, and I don't think we have to remind you of all that's riding on this little bundle, now that your ass is on the line too. Don't forget that.
1. She MUST wear the necklace. If she takes it off you MUST convince her to put it back on. Use guilt, persuasion, or any other means necessary. Remember, you're an actor. Use your talents. P.S. If the string breaks, don't worry about it, we can have another one made immediately.
2. She MUST drink the drinks Minnie brings her. We realize there is not a whole lot you can do if she decides against this, but Minnie can whip up some more chocolate mouse if worse comes to worse and Rosemary needs to be sedated.
3. Confidentially, this pregnancy is going to cause Rosemary a lot of pain. This is due to the fact that the son of satan will actually attempt to devour her from the inside out if it finds itself low on tannis reserves, starting with its own placenta, the womb, and eventually all of Rosemary's inner entrails. This is why the aforementioned items are crucial. If Rosemary happens to expire we are fucked, not to put too fine a point on it. The big man isn't going to take well to having to start over again from scratch, especially after the Geonaffrio debacle, and I, for one, would prefer to live out the remainder of my life without the experience of being his majesty, The Dark Prince's sodomy doll.
4. We think Edward Hutchins may be a problem. Can you get back to us on this?
As always, we're willing to answer any questions you may have; we're right across the hall, remember. Pop on over for a vodka blush tomorrow evening and we'll draw up a contract proposal for Universal Studios.
Greatfully yours in the year before the Year One,
Roman and Minnie Castevete.
2 comments:
lol!
This is very clever: well done. I came across it by googling "Minnie and Roman."
One small quibble: the tannis pendant was on a chain, not a string: Dr. Shand, the dentist/musician made it by hand, according to Minnie.
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