A few thoughts

1. judgements from other mothers
2. moron control
3. never being good enough


1. JUDGEMENTS FROM OTHER MOTHERS: i'll try to make this short and sweet. there is someone who i've met at starbucks who also has 3 kids, stays at home with them, and seems to share many of my philosophies on parenting. However, since I've recently started working mornings there (where i see her often) she seems to be casting a very heavy shadow of disapproval every time she sees me there as if to say, WHY AREN'T YOU AT HOME WITH YOUR KIDS? I haven't been really that bothered by it but I sometimes feel like explaining, UM, THEY ARE FINE. THEY ARE WITH THEIR DAD. OR THEY ARE PLAYING WITH THEIR COUSIN, AUNT, AND UNCLE. I HAVEN'T ABANDONED THEM, THEY ALL HAVE SECURE ATTACHMENTS, I NURSED EACH ONE OF THEM PLENTY, AND THEY ARE HAPPY, SO AM I. SO IS MATT. I just asked him today if he felt any anger or resentment toward me for working on the weekends and nights and he said that he didn't. Until the next housing disaster/family drama/financial issue hits us, we seem to be very happy. I don't feel stressed most days and if I do, Matt helps me and I usually go to bed and wake up happy and extremely thankful for everything I have and the way things are going. I probably couldn't explain that to someone, but I really don't feel as though I am entitled to, either.

There was a line from Demi Moore in the film ABOUT LAST NIGHT that I just remembered. Her sleazy old boss was trying to get into her pants again after she had hooked up with Rob Lowe and she was trying to get rid of him. In the end she told him she loved this guy (danny/rob lowe), she wanted to have a hundred kids with him, and CHRIST! DOESN'T IT SHOW? I feel the same way about my family. I am mostly insane with happiness about 99% of the time, you don't have to worry about my part time job interfering with my mothering duties, I am completely devoted and at ease and at peace. CHRIST, DOESN'T iT SHOW?

2. MORON CONTROL: Some people have issues with those of us out there with several kids (several = more than 2, I guess). Spouting the bit about population control and the world being overpopulated. Yes, the world is overpopulated. WITH MORONS. There are parents out there who are trying to raise nice, moral, polite, intelligent children who will some day make a difference and hopefully change the world. People should at least acknowledge the need for this. After all, the baby boomers are not going to live forever.

3. NEVER BEING GOOD ENOUGH: I am reading one of my old textbooks from an English class I took at MCTC in 2000, intro to fiction: the short story. I enjoyed the class very much at the time but I probably only read about 4 stories the whole semester (and skipped the rest of them). Everything I've read so far is so SO wonderful (Tim O'brien, Alice Walker, among others) it makes me feel like there is no way I should even try writing anything for at least a few more years because my repetoire is so depressingly inadequate that it would just be ridiculous to even try. I don't mean that in a negative way, just that there is so much great stuff out there that I should really just try to absorb more of it before trying to write shit of my own. Of course, I could read for a lifetime and still not get to everything out there, but in a way it's a fun little quest to embark upon, like Henry Bemis in the bank vault.

Happy 4th of July.
Here are some happy bath shots.